mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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