I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
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YO. MCGRIDDLES.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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