i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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