thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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