I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize