happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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