you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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