we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize