my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize