We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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