Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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