I'm going to jail i love you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize