So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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