3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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