Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy

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(904): i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy http://tfl.nu/fggt

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(703): View more from Virginia

You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?

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(703): You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl? http://tfl.nu/mavc

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(208): View more from Idaho

can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?

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(208): can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened? http://tfl.nu/sf3c

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.

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(901): I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class. http://tfl.nu/yhk3

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(516): View more from New York

the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.

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(516): the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it. http://tfl.nu/0mw3

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.

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(724): Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them. http://tfl.nu/a4j7

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.

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(+44): Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect. http://tfl.nu/gla7

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.

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(412): lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty. http://tfl.nu/zyd0

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

(770): View more from Georgia

That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

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(910): Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely. (770): That's the only definition of lonely that I know. http://tfl.nu/dtij

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(817): View more from Texas

What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?

(940): View more from Texas

I worry about you.

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(817): What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes? (940): I worry about you. http://tfl.nu/kzw0

Replies (6) Good night (539) Bad night (1044)
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(435): View more from Utah

Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

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(435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?

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(505): I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet? http://tfl.nu/aavq

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(517): View more from Michigan

Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.

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(517): Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair. http://tfl.nu/ga23

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.

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(608): Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are. http://tfl.nu/5ybn

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(318): View more from Louisiana

He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."

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(318): He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car." http://tfl.nu/xfdu

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