I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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