He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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