I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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