your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish my penis had a tongue
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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