I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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