PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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