you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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