I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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