Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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