I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You pole danced in your parka.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize