I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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