I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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