So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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