pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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