I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize