I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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