The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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