I'm so fucking centered right now
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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