dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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