just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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