i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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