i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to calm my uterus...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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