Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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