I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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