On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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