why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize