I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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