At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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