I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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