Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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