She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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