You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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