using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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