I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize