If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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